I recently went on my 4th date with a guy that I really liked. He was sexy, smart, and a great listener. We had great conversations and great chemistry. I saw definite potential in him. Then, in the midst of what seemed like a great courtship, a week went by without so much as a phone call or even a text from him. I began to worry. I decided to call him and ask him if everything was alright between us because my intuition was telling me otherwise. Sure enough, my gut was right.
I called him and he told me that I was too self-sufficient for him and that he needed a girl that “needed him” a little bit more. He wanted me to need him to do even minor tasks like balance my checkbook.
It was clear. I was the wrong girl for him. In the past, I would have probably just been passive, continued to date the guy, then found myself perplexed as to why things were fizzling. In reality, it was because we weren’t the right match for each other, no one necessarily needed to change. It just wasn’t right. This time, it was different. I was not willing to change myself that drastically and become dependent just to win him over.
Bottom line: If a man doesn’t like you for you…you’ve got to let him go. If a guy wants to change you, he doesn’t want you. There are tons of men that will like you just the way that you are. So be strong and patient. He will come.
After he revealed his true feelings, I thanked him for being honest with me and we ended our conversation and relationship cordially. I truly did respect his honesty because that’s how we both will ultimately end up with what we want. He did me a favor and taught me a lesson that all single women should live by. “Just be yourself and be prepared to move on if your man doesn’t want the real you.”
June 12, 2009
Hey, great post, really well written. You should write more about this. I’ll certainly be subscribing.
June 16, 2009
Great Advice!!!
June 16, 2009
Very true! Any man who is trying to change you is not the man for you. Great lesson and article. Looing forward to the next one.
June 20, 2009
Great advice from a great girl. When’s the “Dudes for Dummies” book coming out???
June 22, 2009
My girlfriends and I were JUST talking about this…great advice Erin! Look forward to more fantastic advice!
September 07, 2009
Hi. I stumbled across your site and was interested in what you wrote. I would like to add… I think it comes down to what sort of relationship you want.. whats your end result for how you would like your relationship to be? For me.. i was very self sufficient financially etc.. but i wasnt happy. I needed to change myself in order to attract the guy i wanted..I wanted to feel taken care of and protected.. i didnt want to be the “man” anymore. I am now am engaged to a guy that is my soul mate.. we have been together for 6 years, and i am so totally in love with him. If i hadnt of changed “myself” i wouldnt be with him today. It still comes down to masculine and feminine energy. It depends who wants to be the man in the relationship.
October 07, 2009
Hi,
I’m another one who just came across your site by accident. The only thing I think you got wrong in your story here is the ending… “all single women should live by. “Just be yourself and be prepared to move on if your man doesn’t want the real you.””
That’s not just true for women, it’s a universal truth. If one potential partner or the other doesn’t like something about the relationship, sooner or later, it will end up a disaster if you continue to force it. If it works, let it work! If it doesn’t, drop it. Simple rules to live by, but not always easy to accept.